Secrets(?) i guess

this is something quite personal...
but it's better to let it out and share it with people right? at least that's what i think.
ok... this is just my thoughts and entries i guess? well just read on XD
"i'm so scared i might not be able to get into melb uni.. you know what.. i was so happy when she said to me "hey! lets get into melb uni together XD!".. i know maybe she was just being nice and to encourage me, she'll never know how much that sentence meant to me, well from that day on you've became my motivation, i want to go to melb uni, together with you =]
oh damn.... why have i realise this feeling so late? i'd always thought this feeling was nothing but love towards a friend? i don't know..
i remember the bads i've done to you and i really do regret... remember that time when i hid your books and pencil case? and at the end i almost made you cried... gg'ed to myself i guess.. just shot myself in the head = =
really.. i'm sorry.. i know that apologising will do no good because the damage has been done already... but you guess what... seeing you like that, it actually made myself feel like shit, i wanted to hit myself... >_>.
i know you like to tell people to "go away" and stuff.. but it makes me emo >_>
i know you don't mean anything bad :S
all these times i said I LOVE YOU to you... you've always taken it as a joke.. never serious..
its really ironic..
all these times i've joked around to be funny to get your smile, and when it comes to the real thing you took it as a joke and laughed.. all i can is to play along like a dummy.. >_>
when will you finally realise that i love you? i wonder..""

well this is the very first piece i wrote... but the original piece was more emo... and it may be quite emo... TOOO EMOOO so i've edited to lower the emo-ness level XD i wrote this because i was emo.. and i've got no one to talk to about this so i thought i would write this to try and release some of the pain/emo? LOL
and i guess it's all over now? so i'm writing this up to show it to my best friends =]
because i don't wanna hide things from you all.. =]