後悔了 regretted

剛剛我因為無聊所以看起了我以前的chatlog....
Just then I read through my chatlogs because I was bored....
我發現了和妳以前一起聊的一切.
I found all the conversations that we had.
我才知道原來我那麼的白濫XD 可是妳都沒有生氣.
I only just realised now how stupid I was XD but you're never angry.
第一次遇到妳是在朋友家 我記得那天是我16歲生日.
The first time I saw you was at my friend's place, I still remember that day was my 16th birthday.
第一天認識我就嗆很大 搞到最後妳還生氣了 雖然不怎麼可怕XD.
I bullied you badly the first day I met you and at the end you finally got angry, ever though it wasn't really that scary XD.
那天之後妳就加進了我的msn了
Since that day you're now in my MSN list.
我們一直都有話題可聊.
We always had something to talk about.
我把妳當成我很要好很要好的朋友.
I treat you like a very good friend of mine.
直到有一天 妳邀我去bbq.
Until one day, you invited me to your BBQ.
我知道妳為這次的活動花費了許多氣力.
I know you put a lot of effort in making this event.
但是我很白痴得不懂得欣賞甚至我還嫌棄它.
But I didn't appreciate your effort and I even denigrate it.
妳要我就算不喜歡至少也留下來.
You didn't want to force me to like it but atleast to stay.
但是我堅持要走.
But i insisted to go.
妳就放棄了.
So then you gave up.
之後跟妳聊天 想要道歉 因為我知道我那樣做真的很沒品
Then afterwards I started a conversation to say sorry, because I know what I did that day was very inappropriate.
可是妳很生氣不想接受我的道歉.
But you were really angry and didn't want to accept my apologies.
我也不知道哪裡來的脾氣 我居然還開始發火了 我知道是我不對我不應該這樣的.
I don't know where I got this anger from, I started raging but I know it was my fault, I shouldn't have done that.
之後見面我很尷尬 不知道要說什麼 我只能說服我自己 我沒有錯.
I felt very awkward after that, I don't know what i can say, I can only convince myself that it wasn't my fault.
直到現在我們都沒有再聊過天了.
We haven't talked till now.
我好後悔阿 就這樣失去了對我來說很重要很要好的朋友.
I regret I really do, just like that I lost a good friend that is important to me...

making friends

quote from Joole:"making wrong friends is a part of life"
i guess it's kinda true...
i'm only seventeen this year yet, i've made mistake in making friends with some people.
i trusted them, i was sincere to them, gave them my love
in returned they betrayed my trust and my love, all they were were just fake and insincere...

i remember how i actually made friends with them... well acutally... it wasn't me that started talking, it was them who came to me and started the friendship.

At the start i thought to myself they're nice people and maybe worth to trust, with each and every conversation we had i grew to start trusting them, opening up my heart to them but only lately i realised i was so dumb, so fucking damn stupid to trust one's like them..
i never thought i would meet such kind of people, i shouldn't have naive thoughts of people.
But it's all too late to say now, They've betrayed me, played me and there is nothing i can really do about that but to forget the past and look forward. i hope in the near future i wouldn't have to face the same kind of people and to face the one's who i've met already.

Mother's Day

It has been a while since i wrote one post @_@
well well welll!!! today's mother's day ;)
guys bought presents for mummy or not?
well we did =D
bought mum a robe ;D
wrote her a mother's day card too!
we love you mum =)
hmm i wonder how you spend your mother's day?

ohhhhh myyy goddd...
i realised that i'm far behind in spesh...
studied and studied.. was the only thing i did for today pretty much >_>
i figured i need more than 2 hours to do one exercise >_<
i really need tution for spesh i guess..... T___T (i don't want >_<)
well thats my mother's day this year =P

After school @ JLC

LOL
quite an epic conversation took place in john landy centre today after school XD
those that stayed back were me, adam, felix, michelle and Effie.
we went from chinese class to sacs and some how we've changed the topic to rumours... (an area i most feared but loved at the same time)
Well, we all promised that what was said there stays there. so i guess i can't share it here in my blog =P(i might offend some people if i did XD)
we had a great time, after felix and effie left, landy centre got a bit quiet :S
we waited for eric to pick up michelle, bloody eric came at like 0530~0600ish ?
AND STILL HAVEN"T GIVEN ME BACK MY USB :@

Secrets(?) i guess

this is something quite personal...
but it's better to let it out and share it with people right? at least that's what i think.
ok... this is just my thoughts and entries i guess? well just read on XD
"i'm so scared i might not be able to get into melb uni.. you know what.. i was so happy when she said to me "hey! lets get into melb uni together XD!".. i know maybe she was just being nice and to encourage me, she'll never know how much that sentence meant to me, well from that day on you've became my motivation, i want to go to melb uni, together with you =]
oh damn.... why have i realise this feeling so late? i'd always thought this feeling was nothing but love towards a friend? i don't know..
i remember the bads i've done to you and i really do regret... remember that time when i hid your books and pencil case? and at the end i almost made you cried... gg'ed to myself i guess.. just shot myself in the head = =
really.. i'm sorry.. i know that apologising will do no good because the damage has been done already... but you guess what... seeing you like that, it actually made myself feel like shit, i wanted to hit myself... >_>.
i know you like to tell people to "go away" and stuff.. but it makes me emo >_>
i know you don't mean anything bad :S
all these times i said I LOVE YOU to you... you've always taken it as a joke.. never serious..
its really ironic..
all these times i've joked around to be funny to get your smile, and when it comes to the real thing you took it as a joke and laughed.. all i can is to play along like a dummy.. >_>
when will you finally realise that i love you? i wonder..""

well this is the very first piece i wrote... but the original piece was more emo... and it may be quite emo... TOOO EMOOO so i've edited to lower the emo-ness level XD i wrote this because i was emo.. and i've got no one to talk to about this so i thought i would write this to try and release some of the pain/emo? LOL
and i guess it's all over now? so i'm writing this up to show it to my best friends =]
because i don't wanna hide things from you all.. =]

Conversation of Me and A-man-Da

CONCURRENT AREA OF POWERS ARE ONLY STATED IN SECTION 51 OF THE CONSTITUTION!
yes...
and study your ass off only applies in section vcaa year 12 vce

Don't know why.. i hate amanda but i really like her as a friend at the very same time.. O_O
its like.. i can't hate her even though she annoys me through msn sometimes with all the non stop "HAHAHAHA" or "LOLOLOL" or "dkf;we" = = and most of all blocking me and unblock me :@
damn you amanda!!
but i can't grow to hate her :S
coz i find her really cute at times haha
like the things she does is all childish XD
and its like talking to a kid, and everyone knows i love kids =D

Friends?!

Today during spesh i was chatting with Effie as usual we were talking about the topic of who liked who and blah blah blah.
well, the conversation went from Ray then to me....= =
She asked me what really happened last year with my "best" friend lol.
i was quite surprised to say.. how did she know about this?
then the first two people that came into my mind was felix and adam :S
so i asked her, was it them that told her about this...
she looked at me for a second...
she slowly noddddddd!!
i knew it = =
first they asked Effie whether i like her or she likes me or not then went on telling her about what happened to me and him plus ivy?
man, i don't know what to say about this man, it really pisses me off :S
some things are better off forgotten right?
there are memories that you wanna erase, but some people just rub it in your face over and over and over again, grr :@
and i guess Effie can't read my facial expression so she kept on nagging and asking me about this.....
Omg = = some people really need to learn to look at people's face when they talk...
so i told her not to get too nosy about people's past :S
well, lucky soon after that the damn bell went, or else it would be quite awkward after that conversation >_>